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You may be asking yourself, "What can I do right now?" Read on and discover some relationship tips that can improve your relationship right now. Put them into practice immediately and begin creating the relationship you long for.
Relationship Tip #1 -- Make sure the "eyes" have it.
It is temptingn to listen to your partner with just one ear while multitasking. We've all done it. We're all busy and distracted trying to cram as much accomplishment into as little time as possible. So, you "listen" to your partner while working on the computer, while straightening up, while writing another to do list.
Yet, your partner's brain will not register feeling "loved" and "attended to" if you are multitasking. That part of the brain doesn't register the words you might say in response to your partner. It registers your behavior i.e. the eye contact (which you can't make if you are working on the computer), the tilt of your head, your body language, your intent gaze, your facial expression. So your attempts to be loving and "listen" to your partner are not registering as loving in your partner's brain at all. What a shame!
When your partner talks to you -- really, really listen. Not just with one ear, or both ears but with your whole body. Make sure you are facing your partner, looking in their eyes. If you are sitting down, lean in slightly, keep yourself from interrupting or questioning, let your interest show in your expression and just take in what your partner says.
Relationship Tip #2 -- FORGET THE FLOWERS
Find out what gestures you could do that would really touch your partner's heart -- or even make it melt! You might think you already know what gesture would make your partner feel special or loved. But you may be surprised to find out your are wrong. Too many times I've seen husbands hurt when their wives are less than excited about the flowers they've brought home. Or wives who feel unappreciated after they've spent hours cooking a gourmet meal for a quiet romantic dinner.
Avoid feeling hurt and avoid disappointing your partner. Do a little research. If you are not sure what your partner loves -- ask him or her. Keep in mind some people are verbal and words are important to them. Saying "I love you" or whispering sweet nothings or sexy somethings to them can give them goose bumps. Others respond more to touch. Maybe holding hands in public, a gentle kiss on the neck while at a party, a warm envoloping hug after a long day. It could also be another form of gesture, bringing in the newspaper for him or her in the morning, making that first cup of coffee before work, taking the initiative to get a babysitter. Love your partner the way they want to be loved, not necessarily what you expect would fit the bill.
Relationship Tip #3 -- Keep the Couple Alive
I know it may be hard. Time is a rare commodity these days. There is work, cleaning, being the kids' taxi, shopping, daily tasks of living. Sometimes you put yourself and your relationship at the bottom of the list and "if" there is time then you or it gets some attention.
It is essential to turn that thinking around. All relationships, including yours, needs to be nurtured It's like a garden or a business -- if you don't pay attention to it, feed it and grow it it whithers and stagnates. Invest in your relationship in the way you would invest in your own business -- it is at LEAST as important. Take time for just the two of you. Children can only be as happy as their parents are. The best way to ensure happy and healthy children is to ensure there is a happy and healthy couple.
Relationship Tip #4 -- Keep the Fight Civil
During a disagreement or fight it can be so easy to get caught up in the intense emotion and say harsh things to your partner. In the heat of the moment you may even resort to name calling or hostile, berating or belittling remarks. These are open signs of contempt. Infusing contempt into your disagreements or fights is very destructive. Over time, it creates such a deep well of hurt that it can tear the fabric of the relationship and do permanent damage.
For the sake of your relationship, keep your language and your tone civil. If things are starting to get heated, agree to take a break and resume the discussion later in the day.
Barbara Calvi, LMFT -- 22231 Mulholland Hwy. Suite 202 Calabasas, CA 91302 (818) 917-9184
Relationship Tips
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